Divorce and separation can bring people to some very dark places, and sometimes into real danger. Our community is a place to talk, but it isn't a crisis service. This page explains how we respond when someone may be at risk, and what we can and can't do.
If you need help now
If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 999. If you can't speak, call 999 and then press 55 when asked, so the police know it's a real emergency.
- Samaritans: 116 123, free, any time, day or night.
- Shout: text SHOUT to 85258 if you'd rather not talk. Free and open 24 hours.
- National Domestic Abuse Helpline (Refuge): 0808 2000 247, free and open 24 hours.
- Men's Advice Line: 0808 801 0327, for men experiencing domestic abuse.
- NSPCC: 0808 800 5000, if you're worried about a child.
- Childline: 0800 1111, for anyone under 19.
- NHS 111: call 111 and choose the mental health option for urgent mental health support.
When we're watching
Our moderators check the community and our automatic alerts at least once an hour between 8am and 10pm, every day. Outside those hours, nobody may see a message for several hours. If you need someone straight away, please use the numbers above rather than waiting for us.
What we look out for
We take it seriously when a member says or suggests that:
- they're thinking about suicide or harming themselves
- a partner, ex-partner or anyone else is hurting, threatening, controlling or stalking them
- a child is being harmed or is at risk of harm
- they intend to hurt someone else
- someone has joined the community to find, watch or harass a former partner
We use automatic filters that flag certain words and phrases to our moderators, so we're more likely to notice when someone is struggling. The filters don't stop those messages being posted. A person always reads the alert and decides what to do.
What we do
When we're worried about someone, a moderator will usually:
- message them privately and kindly, check how they are, and share the support services that fit their situation
- hide or remove posts that could put them or someone else at risk, such as details that might identify them
- tell our safeguarding lead, who decides whether anything more is needed
If we believe someone's life is in danger, or a child is at risk, we may share what we know with the emergency services, the police or children's services. We only do this when we genuinely believe it's needed to keep someone safe, and where we can, we'll tell the member first.
Our moderators are there to listen and point people towards help. They aren't counsellors, and they won't give medical, legal or therapeutic advice.
What we can't do
Our community is anonymous, so in most cases we don't know where a member is and can't send help to them. That's why we'll always ask you to call 999 yourself if you're in danger. We can't promise to see every message, and our filters won't catch everything. If you're worried about another member, please report it to us and, if they're in danger, call 999.
If a child is at risk
Our community is for adults only, but many members are parents. If something a member shares makes us believe a child is being harmed or is at risk, we'll contact the NSPCC or the local council's children's services for advice, and act on what they tell us. If a child is in immediate danger, we'll call 999.
Keeping records
When we act on a safeguarding concern, we keep a short private record of what happened, what we did and when. Only our safeguarding lead can see it. Because it can include information about someone's health or safety, we treat it as sensitive personal information under UK data protection law, keep it secure, and delete it after 12 months unless we need it longer because of an ongoing serious concern. You can read more in our privacy policy.
Who's responsible
divorcd's founder is our safeguarding lead and makes every safeguarding decision. Everyone who moderates our community, including our verified coaches, follows this policy and passes any concern to the safeguarding lead. We review the policy at least once a year, and after any serious incident.
Raising a concern with us
To raise a concern about a member, a moderator, a coach or the way we've handled something, report the message in the app, message a moderator, or email [email protected] with "Safeguarding" in the subject line. Email isn't monitored around the clock, so if anyone is in danger, call 999 first.
You can also read our community guidelines.